I'll Take Two
Jerry was once the senior vice president of advertising for a world renowned cosmetic company. But for some years now, he has been a social worker for the board of education in the Illinois city where he lives. On the job, he was working with students considered to be difficult and he began to take an interest in them that extended beyond the school day. Soon, he found himself bringing some of them home.
"I started with kids in my high school," Jerry explains. " I thought, ‘If I could pick these kids up every weekend, why couldn't I take a couple of kids who don't have parents?'"
Jerry first worked with a private adoption agency, but was finally approved to adopt by the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. When he learned that he had been approved to adopt a child, Jerry's first thought was, "Well, I'll take two!"
Jerry attempted to adopt two brothers, but it didn't work out. It took a little while for him to find the right match. Jerry discovered that not every social worker was enthusiastic about the idea of a single, Caucasian man adopting an African American school-age boy. Even after he found Willie, there were delays, and Jerry describes the process as "a long, drawn out adoption." To parents who may be having similar difficulties, Jerry says, "Stick it out. Don't give up the first time."
Willie appeared as one of three siblings on Wednesday's Child in August,1999. He was about eight years old, and had been in about eight foster care placements. Although Jerry was interested in adopting more than one child, plans for placing the children as a sibling group were changed, and they did not end up being adopted by the same family. But Jerry was able to follow through on adopting Willie.
At first, Willie needed special education in a contained classroom. Now he has been mainstreamed and he is an A student. Almost twelve years old, Willie is very conscientious about his studies. But when he isn't studying , he is, according to his dad, THE basketball player.
Compared to Willie's adoption, Jerry describes his second son Michael's adoption as being fairly easy. Like Willie, Mike was a Wednesday's Child. His feature appeared in October, 2001. About two weeks before Mike's adoption was to be finalized, there was a noticeable change in his behavior and his attitude about being adopted, Jerry says. "He started telling everybody!"
Mike was about ten years old when he came home. Jerry says that Mike, who will soon be thirteen, is still making up for the childhood that he missed. He's big on both baseball and football. And he is enjoying his first real friendship. Both boys are now off of all medication. And Jerry, Willie and Mike are working together on a big family project this year-- welcoming a new member of the family who will be Jerry's third son.
Parents who adopt older children should be prepared for some challenging behavior, Jerry believes. "Stealing-- that's probably going to happen. It's a loss issue," Jerry explains. "Things are going to go wrong. They will lash out at you. You will get angry and you will get frustrated. You will say, ‘Why did I do this?' You can't give up." To have a head start, Jerry suggests, "Find out a lot about the child. Get as much information as you can."
Jerry feels it has definitely been a plus to have experience working with youth. "I work in the environment that the kids come out of, so I have somewhat of an advantage," he says. "I'm a clinical social worker. Behavior problems don't scare me because that's what I work with. I've dealt with those kids all day long." He laughs, as he adds, "Now I have to come home and deal with my own."
He also values the lessons he learned during the days of his career in advertising. "I worked in the corporate world, so you can't push me away easily. I know what they deserve, and I go and get it!"
About parenting Mike and Willie, Jerry says, "They are a blessing. They are just beautiful to watch." What does it take to help a youngster at risk become a happy, successful member of a family? According to Jerry, the answer is simple: "Once the child feels secure and loved there's your formula they're going to be OK."
Story written by Becky Birtha as told by Jerry