There Was Just Something Missing
When Sharon and James saw two young brothers on Wednesday's Child on Fox 11 KTTV, they were ready to adopt them. But deciding to adopt hadn't been an overnight decision for the Los Angeles couple. "It took two years to make up our minds," Sharon recalls. "I was watching Wednesday's Child for a long time."
Although this would be their first time adopting, Sharon and James were not first time parents. They had three daughters, now young adults. Their only son had passed away in a tragic accident six years before. After that, Sharon says, "There was just something missing out of this family that man-child."
Describing how they got started, Sharon says, "That's where the National Adoption Center came in. I was looking through Essence Magazine and there was a full page announcement, with pictures of kids and a phone number to call for information." (Essence donates space, when available, to the National Adoption Center.) "When I called the number they sent me a big pamphlet with a list of agencies in my area."
Sharon and James decided they would be comfortable working with the Institute for Black Parenting (IBP). They told their daughters about their plans. "I talked to the girls, and everybody was ‘gung ho!' We went to the classes, the training." But Sharon still had concerns. "I just didn't want to dote on one boy," she says. "So me and my husband said, ‘Let's get two.'"
The process wasn't entirely smooth sailing. Like most adoptive families, they ran into "a couple of hurdles with the paperwork. It was passed through a lot of hands." They also recall, "We started going to Children's Fairs (matching events). That's really hard because you fall in love with every child you see." But some of the children were not yet legally free, and James and Sharon knew that foster-adoption (being foster parents to a child who may later be free to be adopted) wasn't right for their family. "Then we kind of gave up," Sharon says. But she didn't stop watching Wednesday's Child.
Sharon saw Travis, then six years old, and his brother Marlon, who was four, on a Wednesday night in March, 2001, and watched the story air again that Sunday. She remembers the impact it had on her. "When they came on TV, it was one of those moments...." But she and James knew many other people would be watching the show, so they didn't try to follow up. On Monday morning, their social worker called to tell them about two brothers they might want to consider. The boys were Travis and Marlon. Sharon says, "I knew it was meant to be."
James and Sharon made a photo album for the boys showing their home and family. They met Marlon and Travis in the middle of March. After that things moved quickly. We went through what they call ‘the dating period' from the end of March to April. In May they moved in. We finalized that same year in December."
Another surprise was the financial aspect of adoption. "We wound up paying no fee at all. No paper fee or court fee. Nothing came out of our pockets at all!"
For Travis especially, getting adjusted was a challenge. "It took a lot to let them know that this is where they're going to stay. When they came, their room just had the basic stuff in it. I let them pick out the bedspreads, the posters for the wall, the curtains." Two years later, Sharon says, " Travis is just now feeling free enough where he knows this is always going to be his home. My husband's in the military, and when he's away Travis wants to know why he's not home." But as long as he can hear James's voice on the phone now and then, he can handle it.
Marlon, on the other hand, "just came in feet first. This was his house. This was his room. This was his dog." James and Sharon helped ease the transition for both by staying in touch with their last foster family. Sharon says, "They're real good people. The children call them their grandparents." There was also support from relatives. "My family welcomed them with no problems."
Nowadays, Travis is a basketball fanatic. "He told me he needed some Jordans to make him play basketball even better," Sharon says, laughing. Travis also loves to draw. Most often, he draws Spiderman. "Marlon is into his big wheel. He likes anything that moves." Recently, their new older sister had a baby. "They thought it was really something to become uncles!"
Sharon's advice to others trying to adopt is to accept the reality that "you're not going to find that perfect child." Nevertheless, "I would recommend it to anybody, but I would tell them to think real hard first." As a parent of grown children, she says, "Going back to those young ages is a big difference." She agrees that the adoption process can be frustrating, but suggests that families "just hang in there, cause when the right child comes, they will come." Sharon sums it up with emphasis: "Don't let nobody stop you!"
Story written by Becky Birtha as told by Sharon